Sickly

Damn, I was a sick kid. Really, really sick.

Always a sore throat. Always?

I shouldn't say 'always', I guess. There were some broken bones in there too. And some stitches. But a lot of damn sore throats.

The year they took my tonsils out, I missed 34 days of school. That was after three years of the same. My ear canals are scarred from all the ear infections. I can still remember how bad I hurt.

Now, as an adult, I get sick a lot too. I have antibiotic resistance from all the years of delicious bubblegum flavored refrigerated amoxicillin. Fortunately, it's not as bad as it was then. A day or two here and there - always a sore throat and ear infection. Apparently as a Taurus, I am prone to throat problems. I guess I'll take that one hit because I am the most badass sign in the zodiac. Throat problems for life is a small price to pay.

The boy was sick as a baby. A couple ear infections and pneumonia. A little stressful, for sure. But now, as a regular ol' big kid, he's pretty healthy.

Adorable, even when sick.

The girl though. The girl is another story. We're dealing with another sore throat today. Third of the school year. I ache for her. I remember how much it hurt. How you want to play and do things but just can't. How swallowing hurts so bad. How you just cry. For no reason. Well, no 'real' reason. She spent dinner time crying. Poor thing. Not eating for her is not a good thing. At 41 pounds, missing a meal is not really an option.

When I was her age, Jello was the fix. She doesn't care much about Jello. Her fix appears to be applesauce.

We're at Defcon level: Applesauce-Tylenol

She's currently wrapped in a blanket on the couch watching Strawberry Shortcake, crabby and not herself. I'm keeping my distance for a variety of reasons.

I hope it doesn't move to her ears, and that it's quick. I also hope that she sleeps tonight and that I get to too. Without it I'm just a tall six year old. And this house doesn't need two of those.

The Quest for Peace

I've been on this quest for peace business for awhile. And, I don't mean in the Superman save the world way.

More like something inside.

After my dad died, I told my mom I wanted to go see a psychic. She wanted to know what I was searching for.

I don't know.

Maybe that's the point.

Back in November of 2013, I, along with some friends, started a 21 day meditation challenge. Led by Deepak and Oprah we were going to become better people, or try harder, or something.

Here's the thing about Deepak's voice, it's soothing and persuasive at the same time. You actually want to do what he says. It's a power that I wish I had, but, my voice is grating at best.

At any rate, I'm lying there, early morning, in the dark while Deepak asks in my headphones, "What do you want?" Over. And. Over.

And shockingly, I didn't think new car, new house, beach house, stock split... any of my normal beautiful material things. On my back with my eyes closed, tears running down the sides of my face and into my hair and ears, it came to me.

Peace. I want peace.

Now getting there. That's the trick. I don't know how. Because I don't like quiet and it sure seems like peace and quiet go together. I need the kids playing, the TV on in living room, music on in the kitchen. Loud. In the quiet I think too much, over think, think the worst. Loud is better. Or so says my head. And we know that heads shouldn't be making any decisions. So, while my soul screams for everything to be quiet, my head screams for everything to be loud.

And then that song came out. O.A.R. Now, I've loved this band since before they had a hit. And right in the middle of my quest for peace and some serious churning and soul searching... what do you know? They come out with a song called: Peace.

Dicks.

Because what I didn't need or have time for was to sit in the dark and play that song on repeat and cry for days on end. But, I wasn't doing anything else. So, why not?

Here's the thing, there's two lines that get to me. Other than the obvious, "I want peace".

I just want to make you laugh.
I just want to see that smile.

That's kind of my thing. I really do just want to sit at a table with people I love and crack up and make them laugh. Nothing makes me happier.

Maybe that is what brings me peace.

Well, that and writing depressing blogs.

A Whole New Year

Well, a new year has started. Here we are. 2015.

I can find competition in anything. But, beat last year? That's going to be tough. A new job, new adventures, some clarity, questions answered, spirit expanded.

Not everything was perfection. There were some trials. But balanced with lessons learned and appreciation and I'm wrapping up 2014 as a solid year.

I'm not a fan of the New Years resolution. Not really anyway. Why wait to start what you want to do? Change your life but wait until January? And then give up by February. No thanks.

Instead of a resolution I'm just going to have some goals, a to do list, if you will. God, I do love a to do list. Love. Love. Love.

Other than new things for work, I haven't learned anything new, for fun, in awhile. 

So, first up - tap dance classes. When I was 10 I was forced to take tap. I hated it. It's a series of posts all in its own. Another day maybe. But, now at 38, I'm excited. With one class down, it's pretty clear that I'm a star.

Next, ukulele lessons. Because, why not?

After that? Not sure. I'm assuming I'll hit the professional tap dancing ukulele playing circuit for some amount of time. I hear it pays well.

We can laugh about the scarf. Now.

I've got a redo on some knitting lessons. Not that the lessons were bad but this student failed. I'll be attempting that one again. Probably again and again.

Other than learning some new stuff, I've got some other goals too.

I shed some weight in 2014. I won't be writing about it. But, a big part of it was starting to run again. So, for 2015, a 10k a month. 100 days of miles between January 1 and April 30 and 1000 miles for the year. And maybe a 1/2 marathon if I can fit the training time in. 

What else? Well, there's some organizational stuff to do. Legal documents that need to be updated, close out some accounts, pay off some bills. Finish off the house projects. Just kidding, those go to 2075. On my 99th birthday we'll celebrate the house finally being 'done'.

I do plan on spending some time not doing anything. This will be the hardest goal, resolution, dream, etc I've ever had. Doing nothing is something I really suck at. 

Lastly, write more, write more, write more. 

Maybe.