To the pain

Here I am again. Icing.

Sometime over last winter I hurt my shoulder. I noticed that it hurt to put my arm into the sleeve of my coat. I can't really pinpoint the injury. I can sort of pinpoint the time - cold enough to need a coat.

It's possible, but not confirmed, that I was injured when some of the guys in the office thought my football skills were lacking. I can throw. I can put it on your numbers. But, it doesn't spiral. They practiced with me, gave me tips. At the time, I thought, "man, I'm going to be sore in the morning."

At no time did I think, "shit, this is going to hurt so bad you'll cry nearly every morning for 10 months."

Now, I'm no pansy. I'm sturdy. I'm pretty tough. I've had broken bones and waited to go to the doctor until the next day. But this. This grinds on you. Day after day. 

I can't lift anything over my head. It's my right shoulder too. I'm hopelessly right handed. My left side is so pathetic I can't even really use it. My left arm just sort of hangs there. Like an ornament.

I've been to the doctor. She thought bone spurs. And if you read up on that, the symptoms fit. 

Negative on that X-ray. 

Torn deltoid. Negative.

Impingement. Still possible. But then they started second guessing that diagnosis because it seems like torn labrum is a possibility. That's surgical.

Now, it's possibly tendonitis and bursitis. Bursitis sounds like an old people disease. I'd prefer it to not be that. Because I'm not old. Dammit!

To treat the latest, we're working through stretches, ibuprofen, twice daily icing and an occasional muscle relaxer. Which I have no business taking. The other night, I decided, while medicated, that I'd like to be a mermaid. For a number of reasons. One of which was 'no pants'.

If someone told me they could fix it by stabbing me with a rusty spoon, I'd be game. Seriously. I just want it fixed. 

It seems to be down to a hardware issue. It's essentially hinges and pullies. Someone should be able to figure this out. So far, four highly educated people are struggling.

After a few more physical therapy appointments I'll finally be able to get a MRI. At least there will be some type of confirmation. Hopefully.

Because, I'm about to punch someone. If I could. But.. I can't punch for shit with my left arm.

Medicated.