Oil Pulling!

So, who’s seeing all the Oil Pulling blogs and Facebook posts? It’s apparently all the rage. In the last couple months I’ve nearly blinded myself with perfume and then pummeled my face into a pillar on my front porch. The intent of this blog isn’t to see what my body can handle, it’s just turning out that way… I’ve decided to test out this oil pulling thing and share the results with all of you. Aren’t you lucky?

According to the interwebs, and if it’s online, it must be true, the following are benefits of oil pulling:

Brighter, whiter teeth.

Now, I do have a slight OCD issue around my teeth. I like them to be just one shade shy of ‘Ross Geller’ so, whiter would be great. I also love chocolate, coffee and red wine. All white teeth killers. (And, if you don’t get the reference, we need to see other people.)

Healthier gums.

Sounds fine with me. My gums are healthy, but nothing wrong with healthier, yes?

Prevents bad breath.

I’m obsessed with mints and brushing my teeth. A guarantee of fresh breath - sign me up!  

Increased energy.

Um, who doesn’t want this?

Clearer mind.

Same thing, although pretty hard to quantify, I’d say.

Decreased headaches.

My headaches are generally self inflicted and the product of over indulgence in other areas of my life. SEE: Binge drinking.

Clearer sinuses.

I tend to get congested when I go to bed. This may be something that can be quantified.

Alleviated allergies.

I don’t have any.

Better sleep.

Sign me up! Sleep has alluded me lately.

Clearer skin.

I have a very strict skin regime thanks to a years-long acne problem. Everything is under control at this point.

Regulated menstrual cycles.

On the pill, they happen when they are supposed to.

Improved lymphatic system.

This is totally unquantifiable. But, it does sound fancy.

Improved PMS symptoms.

See above, not an issue for me.

General detoxification.

Something I’ve never done but is all the rage, so, what the hell?

A little background…

I prefer to ingest my coconut as the good Lord intended - surrounded by rum. But, I’m intrigued by this idea. And a few months ago I was complaining that I hate scraping my tongue when I brush my teeth and my hygenist friend said, “Oh, you should swish with coconut oil, it’ll clean your tongue.”

But, here’s the thing, other than surrounded by rum, I’m not a fan of coconut. This past Christmas season, I bit into what I thought was a chocolate covered peanut butter candy. Sadly, it was a homemade Mounds bar. My friend and a fellow mom, who can read my face with little effort, put her hand out. And, I, like a child, handed over what was left of the candy and choked down what was in my mouth. (This is an improvement - a few years ago I probably would have handed over what was in my mouth too!) So, this is going to be a challenge.

First hurdle - the oil isn’t really oil at all. I was expecting liquid. Like Olive Oil.  It is in fact more like crisco. Shit. From some online reading, I’ve been assured that the thick oil turns into liquid really quickly in your mouth. This is a lie.

Day 1:

Recommendations are to do this first thing in the morning. Well, my mornings are pretty hectic and having something in my mouth for 20 minutes means that there is 20 minutes not helping the kids get ready for the day. (READ: yelling). Nightime will have to work. 1 teaspoon, swish it around for 20 minutes.

I put it in my mouth. I gag. I choke. Eyes watering. Focused on better health, I keeping working on it. The husband, like most husbands is a 15 year old boy at heart. Everytime he looks at me, he giggles. He also says some things that I won’t repeat as they’d embarrass his mother, my mother and pretty much everyone else. I lasted 15 minutes. There a joke there too, but I’m going to let it go.

Day 2:

So, if by detox they mean everything inside you comes out angrily. Then, WINNING. If that’s not what detox means, there may be a problem.

Did slightly better - 17 minutes this time. Husband still holding in giggles.

Day 3:

Clearer skin? The giant zit on my chin begs to differ. I’m sure that the wad of oil inside my mouth has nothing to do with it…  

Made it the full 20 minutes. And, I’m going to give it to them - my tongue is nice and pink after three days. Woke up this morning at 3AM. So, better sleep hasn’t yet happened. This is a lot of work for a pink tongue. I’m probably being impatient.

Day 4:

Nothing terrifically interesting to report. No sleep improvements. Made it the full 20 minutes.

Day 5:

Again, nothing significant to report. When I asked if I have nice smelling breath, the husband reports that I smell like coconut. All the time.

Day 6:

I slept really, really well. Now, that could be that I had slept terribly for a number of days and my body was just that exhausted. Time will tell. Husband reports teeth are noticeably whiter. He still can’t control his giggles and he doesn’t even try now.

Day 7:

I can report that I don’t feel like I have ‘morning breath’ when I wake up. No weird sleepy taste in my mouth. Other bloggers have reported that they are no longer flossing or brushing now that they are oil pulling. I don’t know how this is possible. After swishing for 20 minutes, I still have the need for flossing. And brushing with my sonicare. In general I love to brush my teeth, if I say the only thing I have to do before leaving the house is to brush my teeth, you better just make yourself comfortable. It’s going to be awhile.

I also haven’t noticed any congestion when I lie down to go to sleep. I’ll try to keep paying attention to that.

Side note: When I’m done with the oil, I spit it in a paper cup and throw it away. I know, I know… not very environmentally responsible. (and, let’s be honest, totally disgusting) But, oil down the drain is a problem too. Today though, there’s a little wrinkle. Dexter Dog swiped the cup and after the oil had re-hardened, he ate it. I’ll be more careful going forward. And, I’ll be checking him for whiter teeth, better skin and a bottle of rum buried in the backyard.

Day 8:

Swish. Swish. Swish. I’m not known for focusing and I’m most certainly ADD so I’m actually impressed that I’ve made it eight days. The whole 20 minutes. Getting super annoying when the husband asks me questions while my mouth is full of oil but now I just calmly text him the answer he’s looking for. Which is generally very important like: I want to watch Raising Hope. Or: Stop laughing you weirdo!

Days 9, 10, 11:

Nothing much to report here. No big changes.

Day 12:

Sleep is the same. Teeth do feel really clean and the tongue is nice and shiny pink. Still brushing and flossing. (I’m not an animal!) No congestion. Skin looks good but I also use special cleanser and moisturizer - hard to know if it’s the coconut oil or just my regular routine.

Day 13:

I’ll admit it. Skipped it!

Day 14:

Back on track. Nothing really new to report. The 20 minutes does seem to go quickly.

So, there you have it. Just an average girl trying out the ‘latest thing’ for a couple weeks. I’ll probably use up the oil that I have but unless I see some other big changes or stop doing it and my skin and teeth go to hell, I probably won’t buy another tub of it. I also wouldn’t haul it around on vacation or take it anywhere. At home, watching TV, not a problem. I don’t see myself as obsessed as other bloggers are. And, I don’t think it’s a cure-all for people. I’ll continue on and post an update at the 30 day mark. And, maybe 60. Unless I get bored. Or injured. Odds are it’s both.