Valentine's Day!

In February 2007 (might have been 2006, but I'm not really sure and its not super important to the story, so what the hell...) a lunch date was made. Tracey, Vikki and I would go out for lunch on Valentine's Day. I'm not sure what even started the conversation although I can assume that some where a husband was in trouble. After lunch we'd go to that new place, St Cupcake. Because, cupcakes were all the rage.

I can't remember where we ate lunch but we walked over to St. Cupcake after. To the location on 'the other side of 405'. In the rain. Well, I'm pretty sure it was raining. Either way, the story is better if it's raining. So, in the rain. The line to get into St Cupcake was around the block. People desperate for cupcakes on Valentine's Day. And then, at some point while we stood there pathetically in the rain, the baker came outside and said, 'we've got less than a dozen cupcakes left'. The crowd groaned. We looked at each other and started to walk away. But, still, we wanted a damn cupcake.

And so, we walked. On our morning coffee runs we'd noticed that Starbucks had cupcakes - that'll work! A cupcake is a cupcake after all!

To Starbucks we went! And then the next Starbucks and then the next. I'm going to go with twenty. We went to twenty different Starbucks. Finally, we had success! Red Velvet cupcakes all around! And, we were happy. And so started a tradition. Sort of.

On Valentine's Day 2008, I was on bed rest. The little girl inside me was pissed off. I don't know why, I'm pretty fun - you'd think she'd be pretty happy hanging out with me all the time. But, she wasn't. And so, she and I stayed in bed that day. And the next several days.

I followed Vikki and Tracey to work at Multnomah County in 2008, shortly after that pissed off baby girl was born. Every eight weeks at Multnomah County there is a blood drive. The email would go out, I'd read it, I'd not donate blood. But, I knew I should. I could use the points, so to speak. It's not that I'm a murderer or anything but I'm also not super awesome. My main problem is that I just don't really care. So, this blood thing. It could help me out. It's like giving and everything. Sort of like being nice. Whatever that is.

Some how Tracey and I talked each other into donating blood.  With ID in hand we headed into the blood donation room. We dutifully read the documents, we signed the forms, we were up on the beds - we were donating blood! Slowly. Oh, my God. So slowly. The whole process is painful. Painful! It's waiting and questions and then waiting again. And then your blood drains slowly out of you. And if you close your eyes just out of boredom, they think you've passed out and they FREAK out.

But, we carried on. We learned through experience that if you drank a gallon of water the day before, you could give blood in less than five minutes. NOTE: The Red Cross does not think its funny when you race to the fill the pint the fastest. In fact, I'd say its generally frowned upon. But, oh so fun.

In 2009 we picked up our Valentine's tradition. Vikki, Tracey and I off to lunch and cupcakes for Valentines day. I don't remember much about that particular lunch date but I'm going to assume that it was epic.

And the years ticked by and we added a new friend to our annual lunch dates. We got Becca! And we still got our cupcakes and now there were a lot of cupcake shops so getting our Valentine cupcakes wasn't such a challenge.

The blood drives continued, we made it almost every time. We answered the questions. No, we do not have sex with men who have sex with men. No, we do not trade drugs or money for sex. No, we have not lived in Mexico for more than three years between 1972 and 1986. No, we have not had a positive HIV test. And we'd race.

The county started to schedule a blood drive on Valentine's Day. Well, heck. Doing something nice and we get our lunch date and cupcake. Win. Win. 2013. Blood donation. Fun lunch. Cupcake. Check. Check. Check.

And then. Well, and then. I went ahead and fucked everything up. I resigned. In December 2013. But, before that, in October, I gave blood. In the bloodmobile in downtown. With my loyal blood donating friend. We gave blood.

So, in December... we went to donate again. And Tracey couldn't. Her iron was too low. It was odd and you can be sure that I gave her a hard time about it. But, I went ahead and did my donation. In a record 4 minutes, 38 seconds. And then we went for coffee. We didn't even wait the recommended time in 'The Canteen'. We're pros.

Before I left the county, our Valentine's lunch was already scheduled and on the calendar. There was no way that I was going to miss our lunch date just because I sit in a different office in a different town.
But, when to donate blood. We'd gotten good at our scheduling. First thing in the morning is best. Come in a few minutes early so if someone doesn't show up, you can get in even sooner. And with our impressive donation times, we're going to keep this up - no problem!

There was a flurry of scheduling texts in mid-January. The county blood drive wasn't the 14th this year. It was the 13th. Damn, neither of us could to the 13th. And, a long lunch two days in a row? Too much. We'd either have to skip it or find another way.

The Red Cross Donation Center! We could donate at 11:15, be at lunch with Vikki and Becca by 12:15 and then get our cupcakes! WINNING! And, surely the donation center would be a fast place to go. This is what they do. It's no pop up blood drive. It's a building built for blood donation.

And so at on Valentines Day, Tracey and I met at the blood donation center. A 300 year old man taught me how to use the mouse on the laptop so I could check myself in. And I did! We got our numbers and sat down to wait. It should be noted that the donation center isn't in a neighborhood I regularly frequent. And, I'll never be accused of not being a snob but my focus was on doing my nice thing and not to judge. But, the man across from us did look like a hobo. And I had a sudden urge to wash my hands until the skin came off.

And we waited and waited. We chatted, we caught up. And waited. 11:15 came and went. Then 11:30. Through the years, I've learned some things about my friend. A) don't be late and/or make her late. 2) don't let her get hungry. We're on a slippery slope here. And, we're risking our lunch time with Becca and Vikki. Finally we were escorted into our separate interview rooms. Questions were answered. Still not trading sex for drugs or money. Still not taking medications on the list. And I still haven't taken that trip to a foreign land between 1972 and 1986. My blood pressure was a little higher than normal, oddly enough.

I exited the room triumphant! 11:50. Goal now: be done by 12:05. Slide into the restaurant a couple minutes late at the most. Have our awesome Valentine lunch - still winning!

There was Tracey. Sitting in the waiting room. Unable to donate. And right there in front of the old people and the hobo, louder than I meant, 'What the fuck? Again?'

I was escorted to the back room with all the other people to donate. The bonus being that my friend could come too! So, I got situated and she sat down and we went right back to our conversation. All while checking the time.

And then complaining about the time.

And then rolling our eyes about the time. Seriously. We had appointments. For an hour ago.

And then listening to them complain about my vein on my left arm. Sadly, the right arm couldn't be used because I'd had a life insurance physical a few days before and my arm was bruised from the blood draw.

So, they brought over a woman who has worked there for 17 years. She can get blood out of any one. Allegedly.


Note to self: never tell the Red Cross staff you're in a hurry. Ever. They will somehow all in unison begin to move much, much slower.

They'll start to misplace everything they need. They'll complain that their hair gets caught in their glasses. That you moved your arm. And then, well, then... they'll stab the holy shit out of you. Now, I'm pretty tough. But OHMYGODTHISISNOTOK.

Tracey and I made eye contact. She mouthed, 'There is no blood.' followed quickly by, 'Where is the blood?'.

I looked down. Well, the blood.. it wasn't where it was supposed to be. It wasn't so much inside the needle as outside. You know. Running down my arm. SONOFABITCH.

You should never look down at a 19 gauge needle being manipulated in your arm. She was pinching my skin trying to wrestle the vein to where she wanted. All while saying, 'It's right there, I just can't get it quite right.'

Hmm. Well, OK. We're done here.

Tracey is texting Vikki and Becca. We'll be a couple minutes late. Can they order for us?

Just get through this. 'Ms. 17 Years Here' bandaged me up and reminded me that since no blood hit the bag, I'd be eligible to come tomorrow to try again. UMGEENOTHANKS.

I just want my Valentine's lunch! And, I'm done trying to be nice!